I know this isn’t the kind of transformation you typically see and yeah, it is scary AF to share....😩
The past few years I’ve had a “reverse fitness” transformation and its KILLED my confidence on so many levels.
💍 In my marriage.
📞 In my business.
🏵 In my integrity.
🙏🏼 In my worth.
I KNOW in my head that a 40 pound weight gain “shouldn’t” be tied to ANY of the above. But for me, it HAS.
I was in the best shape of my life four years ago. After a ton of work, parental and physical STRESS in my life in 2014, everything spiraled down. Through counseling, faith and patience, the family stress resolved. But my health progressively got worse out of no where 🤷🏼♀️
A ton of inflammation.
And a ridiculous amount of weight gain despite my nutrition efforts and fitness intensity.
Seven weeks ago I had my breast implants removed and I’m happy to say that I’ve had significant healing. My body is no longer fighting a toxic external invader. It can finally “chill” and heal...
I was cleared to work out two weeks ago and what I found was even though I COULD work out, I didn’t WANT TO. 🤷🏼♀️
I have felt paralyzed in fear.
I’ve had this irrational fear of failing. WHY?!! 😭
In psychology there’s a behavior phenomenon called “learned helplessness” where when you’ve tried something so many times with no success, you actually STOP trying, even when there’s no longer any barrier holding you back.
We get comfortable with staying stuck, EVEN IF being stuck feels painful.
That’s where I’ve been. Stuck in this stupid ass mental state that I’ll just fail again, so why bother.
And 40 pounds feels really DAUNTING. If I don’t try, I can’t fail. So I sabotage. 🤦🏼♀️🍔🍕
I was up until 330am last night feeling so ANGRY at myself. Isn’t it ironic how we can KNOW something is illogical in our heads, but FEEL so differently through our actions?
Well fuck, yes, I guess could fail. And I may, right in front of you. And that feels very vulnerable and humiliating to me right now.
I finally realized last night while losing sleep over this- my weight nor my potential risk of failing shouldn’t define me as a mother, a mentor, a wife or a friend.
Fuck me for thinking it does.
As your friend, I’d kick your ass for that limiting kind of thinking about yourself. But I’ll allow it for myself.
I didn’t go through 4 years of “health hell” from breast implant toxicity to sit back and stay STUCK now that I’m finally on the road to healing. 😡
Today, I draw the line in the sand. I’m committed to succeeding. And while I feel “naked in front of the 7th grade class” publicly sharing this 40 pound weight loss road that lies ahead of me, and this very heavy picture of myself now, I have to for my own accountability.
With the support of my husband, and seven of my very best friend couples, I am giving the next 9 weeks 100% of ME. If any of y’all couples want to join us, we’d love the support and we will lock arms together and DO THIS.
🖕🏼learned helplessness and our self limiting beliefs.
It’s GO time.