There IS Life After a Breakup It’s common for people to stay in relationships that are unhealthy or unfulfilling. There are countless reasons we do. Maybe it’s for the kids. Maybe it’s because we are financially stuck. Maybe its because we are made to feel guilty. Maybe because we fear being alone. Maybe its a little of all of it.
After my divorce having a social life was very challenging for me. There was the his friends/ my friends divide. Then there was the fact that couples hang out with other couples. Most dont invite the single girl out to dinner with them on a Friday night. They ask other couples. I had a lot of ALONE time. I spent my down time reading and soul-searching. I learned a lot about ME and became very clear what I wanted for my life. I even went to counseling for a while to be sure I could be the best version of me for my daughters and myself. I eventually starting meeting new single friends and that opened up an entirely new social life for me.
Then theres DATING...Ugh :-( It was an entirely different world than the one I remember from my early 20’s. I had two young daughters that were my priority when choosing who I allowed in my life. Let’s just say that I went on a LOT of first dates. Too many to remember. Guys were either fun, but too young. Or older and rarely fun. Some didnt want anything to do with children. Some were eager to have their own right away. Eeek! Some had control issues. Some were nice, but there just wasnt a “spark”. Some had the need to be validated by women by showing off the profession, car or wardrobe. Some drank too much. Oh God I could go on and on. After a year I pretty much surrendered that Id forever be a single mom of two. I stopped “looking” and focused on finding my OWN happiness. I had a “bar” that I’d set pretty high for type of man I wanted and I wasnt going to settle. Even if at times I thought maybe finding him would be unrealistic. Nor was I going to be one of those “relationship hoppers” and someone waste my valuable time.
A SECOND year had passed and Im not going to lie, lonely nights sometimes get really....LONELY. I’d ask, “what is wrong with me?!” I really wanted to find “MY” Mr Right and as much as I was loving my life, I longed to have the right partner to share it with.
Little did I know as I went bed alone FIVE years ago tonight, that it would be the very LAST time. I met Neil randomly in passing five years ago tomorrow, Feb 16, 2008 when I least expected it. So whats my message to you.
If you are single, embrace it! Why? Use this is the time for YOU. Stop looking for someone else and go after YOUR dreams. At the very worst you spend your days making the MOST of your wonderful life. So fill it up with what delights you. If you dont know what it is...explore your options. Find that PASSION. Everything DOES happen for a reason and I now know that I was meant to have that long time, to work on ME. You want to get to where you never NEED someone. Ironically, it was that attitude and confidence that made Neil so crazy about me.
Five years ago tonight, I must have “graduated” from my own school of single-hood because the next day I unexpectedly met my most perfect Mr Right in brief passing (he blew PAST my high bar on every level). Lying in bed falling asleep I was totally unaware that ironically, all the personal development Id done on ME, the happy life that Id built for ME, the foundation of financial and personal strength and independence I had made for myself over the past two LONG years would all be the very qualities that Neil was attracted to and what made me unique to him. It agree it sucks to sleep alone. Being unhappy and sleeping with someone is no different. There is life after breakup. A great one, regardless, if you make it that way. You WILL find someone when you LEAST expect it. And if youve done the hard work, you will be the BEST and most ATTRACTIVE version of YOU imaginable to attract that person <3