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A soccer mom, looking back..

Seay Stanford Soccer

⚽️ Hello old friend. It’s been four long years since we’ve hung out.

⭐️ Ya’ll may or may not know that I played soccer most of my life. A little known fact about me is that in 1992, my sophomore year of college I was the 3rd leading scorer in the Nation, in Women’s Soccer, NCAA. I played for a Division 2 school in Charlotte, NC. 🏆

I was kinda a little 5’2” badass back in my day.

🇬🇧 The LOVE for this sport was what INITIALLY connected my British hubby Neil and I in conversation when we met randomly at a bar 10 years ago. 
💗 We later played club TOGETHER for several years until in 2014 when I started dealing with pain & fatigue from Breast Implant Illness and gaining too much weight.

This week, in our online couples fitness group, we had to share our first BIG GOAL and what achieving that goal, would mean to us. 🧐

🎯 My answer came to me in a NANOSECOND …. my LOVE and LONGING for this little black and white beauty was the FIRST THING I saw me returning to and felt in my heart.

Maybe it was because of world cup, but gosh I felt me missing this game so much. 😢
Right now I’m too heavy for my joints to play, but...my first BIG goal when I lose 20 of my 40 pounds is to reunite with this old friend.

Even if it’s just briefly.

If you’ve grown up competitively playing a certain sport your entire life you KNOW EXACTLY what I mean.

There is NO FEELING quite like the one your heart feels after lacing up and stepping back on the old pitch, track, field, ice, court, ring or whatever space you once FREAKING OWNED. 🏆

Two months. That’s my goal. I’m laser focused on YOU.

We WILL reunite, once again my dear ole friend.

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Enough of the BS and Fear

Seay Stanford

I know this isn’t the kind of transformation you typically see and yeah, it is scary AF to share....😩

The past few years I’ve had a “reverse fitness” transformation and its KILLED my confidence on so many levels.

💍 In my marriage.
📞 In my business.
🏵 In my integrity.
🙏🏼 In my worth.

I KNOW in my head that a 40 pound weight gain “shouldn’t” be tied to ANY of the above. But for me, it HAS.

I was in the best shape of my life four years ago. After a ton of work, parental and physical STRESS in my life in 2014, everything spiraled down. Through counseling, faith and patience, the family stress resolved. But my health progressively got worse out of no where 🤷🏼‍♀️

Food sensitivities.
Extreme fatigue.
A ton of inflammation.
And a ridiculous amount of weight gain despite my nutrition efforts and fitness intensity.

Seven weeks ago I had my breast implants removed and I’m happy to say that I’ve had significant healing. My body is no longer fighting a toxic external invader. It can finally “chill” and heal...

I was cleared to work out two weeks ago and what I found was even though I COULD work out, I didn’t WANT TO. 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have felt paralyzed in fear. 
I’ve had this irrational fear of failing. WHY?!! 😭

In psychology there’s a behavior phenomenon called “learned helplessness” where when you’ve tried something so many times with no success, you actually STOP trying, even when there’s no longer any barrier holding you back.

We get comfortable with staying stuck, EVEN IF being stuck feels painful.

That’s where I’ve been. Stuck in this stupid ass mental state that I’ll just fail again, so why bother.

And 40 pounds feels really DAUNTING. If I don’t try, I can’t fail. So I sabotage. 🤦🏼‍♀️🍔🍕

I was up until 330am last night feeling so ANGRY at myself. Isn’t it ironic how we can KNOW something is illogical in our heads, but FEEL so differently through our actions?

Well fuck, yes, I guess could fail. And I may, right in front of you. And that feels very vulnerable and humiliating to me right now.

I finally realized last night while losing sleep over this- my weight nor my potential risk of failing shouldn’t define me as a mother, a mentor, a wife or a friend.

Fuck me for thinking it does. 
As your friend, I’d kick your ass for that limiting kind of thinking about yourself. But I’ll allow it for myself.

I didn’t go through 4 years of “health hell” from breast implant toxicity to sit back and stay STUCK now that I’m finally on the road to healing. 😡

Today, I draw the line in the sand. I’m committed to succeeding. And while I feel “naked in front of the 7th grade class” publicly sharing this 40 pound weight loss road that lies ahead of me, and this very heavy picture of myself now, I have to for my own accountability.

With the support of my husband, and seven of my very best friend couples, I am giving the next 9 weeks 100% of ME. If any of y’all couples want to join us, we’d love the support and we will lock arms together and DO THIS.

🖕🏼 fear. 
🖕🏼 sabotage.
🖕🏼learned helplessness and our self limiting beliefs.

Enough. 🖐🏼
It’s GO time.

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